Season 1 Episode 4
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The people you spend time with will make a difference to the way you think, your perspectives towards the surrounding and when you need to make decisions. These people will influence the way you think about yourself. Before I share with you how to use the science of handwriting analysis to understand them which will be in the next episode, for this phase, you will have to know how to identify and observe your friends you are with now and also the foundation, which is within you.
For more on handwriting analysis, comprehensive graphology reports and personality development coaching, visit www.grapholistic.com
Feedbacks and questions regarding podcast, email to grapholistic (@) yahoo.com
For more on handwriting analysis, comprehensive graphology reports and personality development coaching, visit www.grapholistic.com
Feedbacks and questions regarding podcast, email to grapholistic (@) yahoo.com
Hi everyone. Welcome back to Grapholistic Podcast with me, S. Sulianah.
In this episode, we will go one more step forward to explore further how Phase 3 is one of the vital steps to your journey towards building your self-esteem and personality.
That is the people you are with, who you hangout with at school, at work and the friends you spend time with usually.
These are the individuals who not only you choose subtly, but also who automatically fits you and your character. Why this is important?
Because, they are the ones who will indirectly makes you feel good about yourself, motivates you to move forward instead of hanging in there, kept thinking and talking about the past. They are also the ones who you know in your gut and instinct telling you that you are comfortable when you are around them, naturally.
They are not the ones who you have to spend time with by forced, which means you have no choice you have to be with them. By the way, you will noticed that I keep highlighting about gut and instinct is because this is what is in you. Something which is build up gradually over the years, like a data when you learn anything about your surrounding and your environment and people you talked to, people you are with. This data you gathered over the years is your instinct or sometimes referred to as gut feeling, is like an armour to help you to defend yourself. I feel like of all the phases that we go through, when it involves dealing with people, it is good to learn, understand and analyse your instinct.
After listening to this episode or even after you read some of my writings related to this series, please do not immediately call your friends to break up with them and find new friends. Like I said, please learn to analyse and you need to also learn to evaluate your choices.
Firstly, you have to ask yourself, are you comfortable when you are with them? Are you comfortable to share with them anything regarding yourself? And if you do, is there any instances that whatever you said to them, the news will spread like wildfire even though you told them that please do not share this with anyone.
Secondly, when it is your turn to share your stories and opinions, are they listening to you attentively? Or they will take that opportunity to cut your conversation? And after that they will tell about their own story when you are not even done yet?
Thirdly, how do they give you feedback about yourself? Maybe at times friends will give their opinions but what kind of words did they say to you? Are they criticizing you and bringing you down? The words they use is it negative or positive? What do you feel when they said something to you? Will you be upset or you don’t feel anything? Or you feel like you are open to listen and will consider their points and try their ideas? Listen and observe to the tone of their voice, how was it with you? What do you feel? Tone of voice is like a melody to a song. Same message can mean differently. For instance, I can say to you as a friend, “Wow you are smart to solve this problem” than “Wow you are smart to solve this problem”. The first one is more like I am very impressed and proud of you. The second one is more like are u sure you can do this or like I didn’t expect you to be smart to solve that problem.
The fourth point on how to evaluate is, did they talk about other friends when they are with you? Like gossiping or spreading rumours? Or talk behind their back? Because if yes, they will do the same to you when you are not there.
Lastly, what kind of conversation you will have normally with the friends you hangout with? What type of topic? What kind of discussion? For me personally when I am with those friends I matched and can hangout with, and when I feel inclusive in that group, usually we discussed about how the world changes, what might cause people to behave certain ways. When I am with my friends from uni, we will talk about our work, certain things that they just explored at work that could be useful for our situation, creating new ideas and trying it out in the market and also of course sometimes they will talk about their family and funny stories about their children.
By the way, I have highlighted five points here however it is not limited to these. And take note, this is from our POV as in my point of view. I will talk more about listening and conversational communication skills in the next season.
As you can understand here, this process will take time for you to understand behaviour and intentions because this is like skill learning which needs time to learn, evaluate and you have to put it into practice. But eventually, you will know what to do and how to handle this because most of the time, behaviour of a person and us, is like a pattern and sometimes you will notice similarities throughout your journey.
The first time I started to realize that friends we spend time with will make a difference was when I was in primary school. The same timing with my self-awareness phase.
When I started to change my bad habits from not studying to revising and doing my homework, automatically my mind and heart just move away from hanging out with those friends. But that doesn’t mean that I didn’t say hi or be arrogant like as if I do not know them.
Whenever I have free time in school while waiting for something, instead of chatting with friends, I will read a book. And you will be surprised by how you will hear zero bad news and stories about other friends that you need not know about them because it is not your business.
That is one example that I realized that friends make a lot of difference. I mean like I heard quotes and you know teachers maybe talked about this but I didn’t really care during that until I experienced it myself. And then, when I stepped into the Secondary school phase which was at the age of 13 to 14, okay I really cannot remember clearly who I hangout with when I was in secondary 1 and 2, actually.
Ah wait .. okay I was with random classmates no fixed ones because I remember telling myself not to have any fixed hangout groups. But I did have a good time with one of my closest friends, she is considered one of the beautiful girls in school and also hardworking and smart and she respected me and she was our school’s champion in badminton. Anyway, she was my favourite, and we are each other’s favourites so basically she was like the one and only person that I trusted in secondary school.
The friends I ended up hanging out with in secondary school are the type who spend time in the library to read and borrow books during recess time and after school hours. We don’t eat during lunch. I am not kidding it made a lot of difference not about food but about the reading part.
And I can say, secondary school was my favourite phase. I was more confident about myself, my studies results were good. I will always aimed to be in the first top 5 in class and when I was in sec 3 to 5, I will usually be the first or second in class, and for a some subjects like Geography, Maths, and Malay, I will be the top student in school and will be there when the speech day is on which is one of my favourite days in secondary school.
For some subjects like My English language improved like a lot from changing my bad habits and people I hangout with. From level 2 to 8.
My maths too was good because such a coincidence, there was this maths teacher, Ms Ow Yong who taught us maths in sec 1 and 2 made it interesting and easy. She taught maths in such a simple way using direct steps and every time she gives tests I remember that my marks will be in the top 3 in class. Because of that, I started to love maths. No more tuitions because I told my dad that I can handle everything by myself. And I did. All my marks improved like 80 to 90% for all subjects.
BUT HERE IS THE THING. I did not have problems with my studies during secondary school. Basically, I managed to handle the study load and followed the concept of consistency in learning and revising and the formulas of more practice makes it perfect. I mean there were ups and downs, but another issue became the core subject during this period which actually was the start of my journey in exploring about the science of handwriting analysis just because I couldn’t stand and couldn’t take myself to understand the people I was with as in the friends surrounding me and also including my parents. Basically, that was the stage of you know teenagers rebelling.
How I used handwriting analysis is to look and analyse my friends’ handwritings which I will talk about more in depth in the next episode.
Alright, now the question is how to differentiate who is good for you and who is not.
When you are at this phase, consider that you have already have your goals in mind and you already know the motivation that push you forward instead of backwards. You have already a goal to go to. Anything be it your studies, your career, have a quality time with family, innovate new ideas, improving your personality or all of this at once or anything other than these.
So normally by this time, you may have something at the back of your mind the life you want, the life you have visualized for yourself and whatever you want.
If you noticed I kept saying comfortable is because there will be at one point in your life that all other factors are checked which means those friends around you have it all or maybe like 80 to 99% having everything in the criteria. I will give you an example of a setting which happened to me recently that I had to rely on being comfortable and change the method of how I choose the ones I spend time with.
Remember when I said that choose the right friends in school or at work who can make sure you strive. When I continued my studies taking Masters in one of the universities here in Singapore, I can say 100% of my classmates are in their peak of education, career, some of them have their own businesses, with family. And in terms of behaviour issues, I don’t remember any of them having those unpleasant discipline like tardiness, playing truant, fighting in class, don’t do assignments like those we see when we were in primary or secondary or even in polytechnic and sometimes when we were taking our degree. So, basically, if I want to hangout with them, I need not worry. I can choose to be with any of them and still strive in my studies and the way I think. So, this is when the term comfortable comes into play.
Comfortable will emerge from your first impression of the individuals you are evaluating, the way they treat you, your instinct, the way they speak, their facial expressions, tone of voice, how they analyse and evaluate situations in which all of these leads to the common term we use which is whether you like them at first sight. By the way, I am not delving into whether they like you. Because that is the external factor that you could not control. This is more of something which if you feel comfortable hanging out with them, naturally, they will feel the same and automatically you will be in that group.
What I did was to mingle with everyone during class. And talk to each of them casually. I didn’t mix with any groups in the beginning stage, the same as how I did when I was in polytechnic. Then, instead of me asking hey can I be in your group for projects or for leisure? I will walk and chat with any of them whenever we walk towards the canteen for lunch. And automatically, I will let myself go with those I am comfortable to sit with.
There was one instance, I was not comfortable with this one classmate. We never chat at all before. There were 5 of us in the same table but 3 of us were sat close to each other. Based on our seating position, we talked in 3 while the other 2 have their own conversations. It was by accident that we ended up sitting together. I could feel it and also, I believed she does too that we doesn’t match before even we speak to each other. Because we don’t have anything in common in terms of the things we chat about and we had different frequency. The only person who saves us from being more awkward was the guy classmate whom I was comfortable with who was like the bridge between us. Well, after that lunch we didn’t talk to each other even when we saw each other in class. And when you experience similar situation, don’t force yourself. Let it be.
How about at work? How do you decide who you want to be with when you hangout during lunch or chat with? Because this will play a role in your perspective towards life in general, towards your work, towards many factors since it is like a 80% of your day is in your workplace. The people you hangout with at work will either break you or bring you up too.
So, same formula.
Firstly, Be friendly, not arrogant and respect people are the first steps. These are basically the default which you should follow.
Secondly,
Learn to observe and do trial and error if you are new to this. Sometimes you have to learn from mistakes. Learn to understand people and evaluate their character not judging but evaluate.
When I was working in the companies I used to work in, I will try to go out with those who asked me out for lunch. If it fits, it fits. The areas that I observed are like what kind of topics they discussed during lunch, their perspective towards some issues including non-work related. I used to go out for lunch alone because of the position I was in. I couldn’t spend time with other staff because of the information I managed in the company which are mostly confidential. Then over the years, I hangout with a colleague of mine, Hans, whom I mentioned in earlier episode who is now my friend. So sometimes, there will be another colleague who will joined us for lunch. This guy will always talked about the past stories of the company and our boss. Which at first was fine, but I noticed that the stories are not consistent and questionable over time. So, one day I told Hans, if you want to go for lunch and if he is joining, you can go with him. I don’t feel like joining in and I don’t mind if you go with him alone. Then, one day he asked me why. And I told him the reasons. You will be surprised that actually he also felt the same way.
Sometimes, I didn’t judge or evaluate instantly based on body language or experience when socializing with people. So, for this case, what I did was to check out his handwriting. And of course from the handwriting, the analysis normally is like a confirmation of my experience with that person. 99% of the time, the traits matched. From his signature, I can see how he sign his name which he finished the last stroke of his signature backwards to the left instead of forward to the right. While for his main texts which is the essay he wrote, the writings is indecipherable and the letters close onto each other which confirmed mine and my colleague’s worries which are, he is smart in manipulating words and has a close-minded perspectives on new ideas, changes, and other also people’s opinions.
Basically, that is an overview of what is the term used as comfortable. Don’t force yourself if you couldn’t feel comfortable with certain individuals. Learn to understand and then trust your instinct. If you feel the drag when you are with someone, or if you feel like they are disrespecting you in any way, you have to learn to be true to yourself. What is your self-worth at? You have to respect yourself. Sometimes people may think that but I have spend 10 years being friends with them, or I have been with them for a decade, isn’t it a waste of time to leave? Like I said, you have to ask this question to yourself. Is it worth it? What do you feel when you are with them lately?
I understand what you meant when you say about spending time with the person for a very long time. If you are fine with it, then up to you to decide. But if you are looking for answers, it is in you. Whether you are brave enough to put it into action is another story. Because we as human, we have to also learn to be patience when communicating with people. But when something strikes the nerve, and you know it that you don’t deserve to be treated that way or be talked to that way, remember you have a choice. In my podcast for this season, we are focusing on you. How you build that foundation within you which means this is part of building your self-esteem.
It is challenging but you will see the difference on how free your mind will be when you leave those peers you are with, the ones who starts to disrespect you. I had this one friend whom for years I made sure that I don’t comment anything that will make her self-esteem down. We knew each other in secondary school. And everytime our friends will make fun of her because of her big body build. Never at one time throughout the 20 years of our friendship, I ever talked about how she looks. But in just one night, this happened a year ago, she could tell me about how I gained weight while she is still the same. In a perspective of mine, I concluded this as a friend who actually don’t care about how I feel. And I observed the pattern for quite some time actually since we knew each other. Patience is already in there, I did have choices too last time except that now I am more brave to act on my choice. When she contacted me recently, I didn’t reply. That is my way to leave something. I will ignore. Initially I thought ignoring is not a good way to handle this kind of things. But recently, I watched this video of a speaker who said that ignoring is a way to actually tell the other party that they had done something that is hurting you and it is okay to do that. Because sometimes certain things are not meant for closure. Closure need not be in words. Closure can be in actions.
Why being brave to act like this or similar to this, leaving and not hanging out with the same group of people you have been with for years might be abit tad too much?
I feel like because sometimes we care too much about how another person will feel that we will disregard how we actually feel. What if this will upset them?
Another thing is the capacity we are in. There are people who are quite clingy and there is no room for us to react or make decision to our favour.
And another reason could be that, we don’t want to be categorized as the bad person to break the relationship or friendship.
And if you are now with people who really test your patience, you need to learn what to do with this. Pattern in behaviour is another factor that you can observed. I am surprised that this is something which is constant if you ever observe others and yourself.
Recently, I drew a mind map about my behaviour and actions I took towards people I was interested in. Oh my goodness. I was surprised that I did it on repeat even until now. The only difference I did now, after drawing that mind map was to change one step, which was recently, I told this person how I feel. That is it.
So, we can conclude that in our point of view, we are not to change other’s character or cannot control others’ characters. And therefore, the only one we are focusing on to improve is only us. The one that we should not allow people or friends you hangout with to be demeaning to, is us. And we have to be brave to make decisions who you want to spend your time with. Who really makes you happy. Genuinely, happy when you are with them. Who really could motivate you and make you look forward to wake up every morning. Who really would be happy when you achieve your dreams and success in your life. Who really will be there for you when you are down. Who really will be there for you to listen to you, when I said listen to you means who really listen to you when it is time for you to talk and shut up about their personal story. Because them not listening will devalue what you have to say. So, learn to pull back.
You might think that it is not easy to find group of people who are like this. I am telling you now, yes it will not be easy if you say so. It will not be easy if you are not aware of the problem. It will not be easy if you don’t give yourself an opportunity to prioritize your self-happiness, your self-worth, your self-value. As like the formula that I had shared in previous episode, you will attract the people that you want in your life. And when it is time to let go, let it be. Don’t worry about it. If you are meant to meet that person again in another stage of your life, you will.
Meanwhile, I will end this episode here. Thank you for listening. I will see you in the next episode.
To watch this recorded podcast, and any videos related to handwriting analysis, personality enhancements and behind the scenes videos of this podcast you can visit our YouTube channel or visit www.grapholistic.com for the links. You can also get your handwriting analysed at a reasonable rate as affordable as $99. Check the options available from our website.
At the meantime guys, take care and goodbye.
In this episode, we will go one more step forward to explore further how Phase 3 is one of the vital steps to your journey towards building your self-esteem and personality.
That is the people you are with, who you hangout with at school, at work and the friends you spend time with usually.
These are the individuals who not only you choose subtly, but also who automatically fits you and your character. Why this is important?
Because, they are the ones who will indirectly makes you feel good about yourself, motivates you to move forward instead of hanging in there, kept thinking and talking about the past. They are also the ones who you know in your gut and instinct telling you that you are comfortable when you are around them, naturally.
They are not the ones who you have to spend time with by forced, which means you have no choice you have to be with them. By the way, you will noticed that I keep highlighting about gut and instinct is because this is what is in you. Something which is build up gradually over the years, like a data when you learn anything about your surrounding and your environment and people you talked to, people you are with. This data you gathered over the years is your instinct or sometimes referred to as gut feeling, is like an armour to help you to defend yourself. I feel like of all the phases that we go through, when it involves dealing with people, it is good to learn, understand and analyse your instinct.
After listening to this episode or even after you read some of my writings related to this series, please do not immediately call your friends to break up with them and find new friends. Like I said, please learn to analyse and you need to also learn to evaluate your choices.
Firstly, you have to ask yourself, are you comfortable when you are with them? Are you comfortable to share with them anything regarding yourself? And if you do, is there any instances that whatever you said to them, the news will spread like wildfire even though you told them that please do not share this with anyone.
Secondly, when it is your turn to share your stories and opinions, are they listening to you attentively? Or they will take that opportunity to cut your conversation? And after that they will tell about their own story when you are not even done yet?
Thirdly, how do they give you feedback about yourself? Maybe at times friends will give their opinions but what kind of words did they say to you? Are they criticizing you and bringing you down? The words they use is it negative or positive? What do you feel when they said something to you? Will you be upset or you don’t feel anything? Or you feel like you are open to listen and will consider their points and try their ideas? Listen and observe to the tone of their voice, how was it with you? What do you feel? Tone of voice is like a melody to a song. Same message can mean differently. For instance, I can say to you as a friend, “Wow you are smart to solve this problem” than “Wow you are smart to solve this problem”. The first one is more like I am very impressed and proud of you. The second one is more like are u sure you can do this or like I didn’t expect you to be smart to solve that problem.
The fourth point on how to evaluate is, did they talk about other friends when they are with you? Like gossiping or spreading rumours? Or talk behind their back? Because if yes, they will do the same to you when you are not there.
Lastly, what kind of conversation you will have normally with the friends you hangout with? What type of topic? What kind of discussion? For me personally when I am with those friends I matched and can hangout with, and when I feel inclusive in that group, usually we discussed about how the world changes, what might cause people to behave certain ways. When I am with my friends from uni, we will talk about our work, certain things that they just explored at work that could be useful for our situation, creating new ideas and trying it out in the market and also of course sometimes they will talk about their family and funny stories about their children.
By the way, I have highlighted five points here however it is not limited to these. And take note, this is from our POV as in my point of view. I will talk more about listening and conversational communication skills in the next season.
As you can understand here, this process will take time for you to understand behaviour and intentions because this is like skill learning which needs time to learn, evaluate and you have to put it into practice. But eventually, you will know what to do and how to handle this because most of the time, behaviour of a person and us, is like a pattern and sometimes you will notice similarities throughout your journey.
The first time I started to realize that friends we spend time with will make a difference was when I was in primary school. The same timing with my self-awareness phase.
When I started to change my bad habits from not studying to revising and doing my homework, automatically my mind and heart just move away from hanging out with those friends. But that doesn’t mean that I didn’t say hi or be arrogant like as if I do not know them.
Whenever I have free time in school while waiting for something, instead of chatting with friends, I will read a book. And you will be surprised by how you will hear zero bad news and stories about other friends that you need not know about them because it is not your business.
That is one example that I realized that friends make a lot of difference. I mean like I heard quotes and you know teachers maybe talked about this but I didn’t really care during that until I experienced it myself. And then, when I stepped into the Secondary school phase which was at the age of 13 to 14, okay I really cannot remember clearly who I hangout with when I was in secondary 1 and 2, actually.
Ah wait .. okay I was with random classmates no fixed ones because I remember telling myself not to have any fixed hangout groups. But I did have a good time with one of my closest friends, she is considered one of the beautiful girls in school and also hardworking and smart and she respected me and she was our school’s champion in badminton. Anyway, she was my favourite, and we are each other’s favourites so basically she was like the one and only person that I trusted in secondary school.
The friends I ended up hanging out with in secondary school are the type who spend time in the library to read and borrow books during recess time and after school hours. We don’t eat during lunch. I am not kidding it made a lot of difference not about food but about the reading part.
And I can say, secondary school was my favourite phase. I was more confident about myself, my studies results were good. I will always aimed to be in the first top 5 in class and when I was in sec 3 to 5, I will usually be the first or second in class, and for a some subjects like Geography, Maths, and Malay, I will be the top student in school and will be there when the speech day is on which is one of my favourite days in secondary school.
For some subjects like My English language improved like a lot from changing my bad habits and people I hangout with. From level 2 to 8.
My maths too was good because such a coincidence, there was this maths teacher, Ms Ow Yong who taught us maths in sec 1 and 2 made it interesting and easy. She taught maths in such a simple way using direct steps and every time she gives tests I remember that my marks will be in the top 3 in class. Because of that, I started to love maths. No more tuitions because I told my dad that I can handle everything by myself. And I did. All my marks improved like 80 to 90% for all subjects.
BUT HERE IS THE THING. I did not have problems with my studies during secondary school. Basically, I managed to handle the study load and followed the concept of consistency in learning and revising and the formulas of more practice makes it perfect. I mean there were ups and downs, but another issue became the core subject during this period which actually was the start of my journey in exploring about the science of handwriting analysis just because I couldn’t stand and couldn’t take myself to understand the people I was with as in the friends surrounding me and also including my parents. Basically, that was the stage of you know teenagers rebelling.
How I used handwriting analysis is to look and analyse my friends’ handwritings which I will talk about more in depth in the next episode.
Alright, now the question is how to differentiate who is good for you and who is not.
When you are at this phase, consider that you have already have your goals in mind and you already know the motivation that push you forward instead of backwards. You have already a goal to go to. Anything be it your studies, your career, have a quality time with family, innovate new ideas, improving your personality or all of this at once or anything other than these.
So normally by this time, you may have something at the back of your mind the life you want, the life you have visualized for yourself and whatever you want.
If you noticed I kept saying comfortable is because there will be at one point in your life that all other factors are checked which means those friends around you have it all or maybe like 80 to 99% having everything in the criteria. I will give you an example of a setting which happened to me recently that I had to rely on being comfortable and change the method of how I choose the ones I spend time with.
Remember when I said that choose the right friends in school or at work who can make sure you strive. When I continued my studies taking Masters in one of the universities here in Singapore, I can say 100% of my classmates are in their peak of education, career, some of them have their own businesses, with family. And in terms of behaviour issues, I don’t remember any of them having those unpleasant discipline like tardiness, playing truant, fighting in class, don’t do assignments like those we see when we were in primary or secondary or even in polytechnic and sometimes when we were taking our degree. So, basically, if I want to hangout with them, I need not worry. I can choose to be with any of them and still strive in my studies and the way I think. So, this is when the term comfortable comes into play.
Comfortable will emerge from your first impression of the individuals you are evaluating, the way they treat you, your instinct, the way they speak, their facial expressions, tone of voice, how they analyse and evaluate situations in which all of these leads to the common term we use which is whether you like them at first sight. By the way, I am not delving into whether they like you. Because that is the external factor that you could not control. This is more of something which if you feel comfortable hanging out with them, naturally, they will feel the same and automatically you will be in that group.
What I did was to mingle with everyone during class. And talk to each of them casually. I didn’t mix with any groups in the beginning stage, the same as how I did when I was in polytechnic. Then, instead of me asking hey can I be in your group for projects or for leisure? I will walk and chat with any of them whenever we walk towards the canteen for lunch. And automatically, I will let myself go with those I am comfortable to sit with.
There was one instance, I was not comfortable with this one classmate. We never chat at all before. There were 5 of us in the same table but 3 of us were sat close to each other. Based on our seating position, we talked in 3 while the other 2 have their own conversations. It was by accident that we ended up sitting together. I could feel it and also, I believed she does too that we doesn’t match before even we speak to each other. Because we don’t have anything in common in terms of the things we chat about and we had different frequency. The only person who saves us from being more awkward was the guy classmate whom I was comfortable with who was like the bridge between us. Well, after that lunch we didn’t talk to each other even when we saw each other in class. And when you experience similar situation, don’t force yourself. Let it be.
How about at work? How do you decide who you want to be with when you hangout during lunch or chat with? Because this will play a role in your perspective towards life in general, towards your work, towards many factors since it is like a 80% of your day is in your workplace. The people you hangout with at work will either break you or bring you up too.
So, same formula.
Firstly, Be friendly, not arrogant and respect people are the first steps. These are basically the default which you should follow.
Secondly,
Learn to observe and do trial and error if you are new to this. Sometimes you have to learn from mistakes. Learn to understand people and evaluate their character not judging but evaluate.
When I was working in the companies I used to work in, I will try to go out with those who asked me out for lunch. If it fits, it fits. The areas that I observed are like what kind of topics they discussed during lunch, their perspective towards some issues including non-work related. I used to go out for lunch alone because of the position I was in. I couldn’t spend time with other staff because of the information I managed in the company which are mostly confidential. Then over the years, I hangout with a colleague of mine, Hans, whom I mentioned in earlier episode who is now my friend. So sometimes, there will be another colleague who will joined us for lunch. This guy will always talked about the past stories of the company and our boss. Which at first was fine, but I noticed that the stories are not consistent and questionable over time. So, one day I told Hans, if you want to go for lunch and if he is joining, you can go with him. I don’t feel like joining in and I don’t mind if you go with him alone. Then, one day he asked me why. And I told him the reasons. You will be surprised that actually he also felt the same way.
Sometimes, I didn’t judge or evaluate instantly based on body language or experience when socializing with people. So, for this case, what I did was to check out his handwriting. And of course from the handwriting, the analysis normally is like a confirmation of my experience with that person. 99% of the time, the traits matched. From his signature, I can see how he sign his name which he finished the last stroke of his signature backwards to the left instead of forward to the right. While for his main texts which is the essay he wrote, the writings is indecipherable and the letters close onto each other which confirmed mine and my colleague’s worries which are, he is smart in manipulating words and has a close-minded perspectives on new ideas, changes, and other also people’s opinions.
Basically, that is an overview of what is the term used as comfortable. Don’t force yourself if you couldn’t feel comfortable with certain individuals. Learn to understand and then trust your instinct. If you feel the drag when you are with someone, or if you feel like they are disrespecting you in any way, you have to learn to be true to yourself. What is your self-worth at? You have to respect yourself. Sometimes people may think that but I have spend 10 years being friends with them, or I have been with them for a decade, isn’t it a waste of time to leave? Like I said, you have to ask this question to yourself. Is it worth it? What do you feel when you are with them lately?
I understand what you meant when you say about spending time with the person for a very long time. If you are fine with it, then up to you to decide. But if you are looking for answers, it is in you. Whether you are brave enough to put it into action is another story. Because we as human, we have to also learn to be patience when communicating with people. But when something strikes the nerve, and you know it that you don’t deserve to be treated that way or be talked to that way, remember you have a choice. In my podcast for this season, we are focusing on you. How you build that foundation within you which means this is part of building your self-esteem.
It is challenging but you will see the difference on how free your mind will be when you leave those peers you are with, the ones who starts to disrespect you. I had this one friend whom for years I made sure that I don’t comment anything that will make her self-esteem down. We knew each other in secondary school. And everytime our friends will make fun of her because of her big body build. Never at one time throughout the 20 years of our friendship, I ever talked about how she looks. But in just one night, this happened a year ago, she could tell me about how I gained weight while she is still the same. In a perspective of mine, I concluded this as a friend who actually don’t care about how I feel. And I observed the pattern for quite some time actually since we knew each other. Patience is already in there, I did have choices too last time except that now I am more brave to act on my choice. When she contacted me recently, I didn’t reply. That is my way to leave something. I will ignore. Initially I thought ignoring is not a good way to handle this kind of things. But recently, I watched this video of a speaker who said that ignoring is a way to actually tell the other party that they had done something that is hurting you and it is okay to do that. Because sometimes certain things are not meant for closure. Closure need not be in words. Closure can be in actions.
Why being brave to act like this or similar to this, leaving and not hanging out with the same group of people you have been with for years might be abit tad too much?
I feel like because sometimes we care too much about how another person will feel that we will disregard how we actually feel. What if this will upset them?
Another thing is the capacity we are in. There are people who are quite clingy and there is no room for us to react or make decision to our favour.
And another reason could be that, we don’t want to be categorized as the bad person to break the relationship or friendship.
And if you are now with people who really test your patience, you need to learn what to do with this. Pattern in behaviour is another factor that you can observed. I am surprised that this is something which is constant if you ever observe others and yourself.
Recently, I drew a mind map about my behaviour and actions I took towards people I was interested in. Oh my goodness. I was surprised that I did it on repeat even until now. The only difference I did now, after drawing that mind map was to change one step, which was recently, I told this person how I feel. That is it.
So, we can conclude that in our point of view, we are not to change other’s character or cannot control others’ characters. And therefore, the only one we are focusing on to improve is only us. The one that we should not allow people or friends you hangout with to be demeaning to, is us. And we have to be brave to make decisions who you want to spend your time with. Who really makes you happy. Genuinely, happy when you are with them. Who really could motivate you and make you look forward to wake up every morning. Who really would be happy when you achieve your dreams and success in your life. Who really will be there for you when you are down. Who really will be there for you to listen to you, when I said listen to you means who really listen to you when it is time for you to talk and shut up about their personal story. Because them not listening will devalue what you have to say. So, learn to pull back.
You might think that it is not easy to find group of people who are like this. I am telling you now, yes it will not be easy if you say so. It will not be easy if you are not aware of the problem. It will not be easy if you don’t give yourself an opportunity to prioritize your self-happiness, your self-worth, your self-value. As like the formula that I had shared in previous episode, you will attract the people that you want in your life. And when it is time to let go, let it be. Don’t worry about it. If you are meant to meet that person again in another stage of your life, you will.
Meanwhile, I will end this episode here. Thank you for listening. I will see you in the next episode.
To watch this recorded podcast, and any videos related to handwriting analysis, personality enhancements and behind the scenes videos of this podcast you can visit our YouTube channel or visit www.grapholistic.com for the links. You can also get your handwriting analysed at a reasonable rate as affordable as $99. Check the options available from our website.
At the meantime guys, take care and goodbye.